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i had to agree to mental health assessments straight after my partner’s suicide in jan 2015 because my sister had lied to my gp and wigan social workers that I was suicidal and depressed.

i was in survival mode, as it was me that had alerted the police that simon would kill himself if he was alone and felt under pressure. His best friend had sent him home with a bottle of vodka and some options on how to kill himself if the police turned up at his home and when I heard the police had knocked on simon’s home at 10pm, I knew he would be dead. The last 8 months of his life flashed infront of my eyes and I realised he had been talking about his suicide and had decided to hang himself.

i wasn’t shocked at the police finding simon at his home because It was me that said he would be there. That was horrific to go through but at least I hadn’t found his body. Most people I’ve spoken to found their loved one and saw them and i never wanted that to happen to me.

we rang the police and put in a point of concern for simon, as he had swapped shifts and booked 2 weeks off work, which I knew meant that he had given his boss time to find someone else in that time. Simon would have thought of work first and would not have wanted to inconvenience his workmates.

He was a team leader and had about 400 people working under him and was well thought of. they all went to his cremation and arrived in coaches. I wish I had met them because no one knew about me and our boys because simon had made new friends and we were not part of his life then.

we went to Simon’s after about 2 hours because no one had updated us on finding him. When we got there, the police were guarding the door, as they had broken it to get in. The forensic car was there and my daughter spoke to the officer before the forensic man spoke to me.

my boys were in our car and a policeman waited with them, so they didn’t see anything. The forensic man didn’t look me in the eye but said he was very sorry that we had to ever meet, especially in this way. I was so annoyed with simon for leaving us and not explaining why. The forensic man said I was very calm because he knew I had alerted the police, so knew simon was dead. I did. He asked me if I knew how simon had died because he thought I was clever enough to work it out without him telling me. I said simon had been talking about suicide and spoke of someone at work turning on the Christians lights because his sister had hung herself and was dead within 15 minutes and I realised that was what simon had decided to do. The forensic man said simon would have googled the best way to hang himself and I had not to look at that on his Internet history because it’s grafic and well known to be viewed before the person hangs. I said I wouln’t look at it because I didn’t have any of Simon’s phones.

he said simon would have died within 10 minutes and it was just like going to sleep. It’s that kind of feeling and simon wasn’t in pain before he died. He said simon had died straight away, so I didn’t need to worry about him hanging for a long time. I felt like punching the windscreen because I was so annoyed with myself for thinking Steve would look after simon and not let him kill himself.

the forensic man said simon had left me, work and Steve suicide notes but he would have to get them read and confirmed before I could see mine. I asked if I could see Simon’s body but the forensic man said not yet but I could identify him if they couldn’t contact his family first. I said I couldn’t do that and simon knew how terrified I was of seeing anything scary. My daughter had got into the car and said she could identify simon but I asked for his mum to do that if possible.

the forensic man gave me the details for the liason officer and said he would speak to Simon’s family for me and check if they wanted my details because suicide causes tension and some families start blaming each other. He said I had nothing to blame myself for because simon has been part of an investigation and it dropped when he did and that is the only way it could have been stopped. He explained that simon would have known that and that is why he hadn’t told anyone about his plan. Something had triggered off his plan and that was the outcome. The social worker had spoken to simon and said the police were looking for me because if my sister reporting me missing and suicidal and if simon didn’t tell her where I was, then she would take my council home from me and get me in trouble for deserting my home. I said that would have really scared simon and made him panic. Whatever the skcial worker had said had triggerd a vulnerable man into taking his own life and that is criminal to me. The forensic man said that could have happened because of the state of mind simon was in and the fear of the police looking for me had kicked his plan into action.

the forensic man said I was very calm now but after the cremation I might not feel so well. I was going to be angry and tearful and blame myself for missing signs to talk with simon and my gp might give me some anti depressants to get me through the next few weeks and It was ok to take medication if I felt I needed it. That is why my daughter must have told my sister to demand anti depressants from my gp.

i told the forensic man that I didn’t want the neighbours to know simon had taken his own life because of the stigma of suicide and me not knowing his neighbours.

he said no one needed to know because it wasn’t going to come in the paper and was of no interest to anyone. My sons didn’t need to know until they were older and I could wait until after the inquest to tell people the outcome.

by this time the private ambulance had arrived and Simon’s neighbours were crowding around his house and I asked a policeman if he could move them away from his gate because children were there and I could see Simon’s body bag coming down the stairs.

the policeman said he couldn’t move them away because they were his friends and neighbours and asked who I was. A neighbour came running towards us and said she knew everything and was the last person to see simon alive. She had already made her statement to the police and was going to the inquest. Another woman came across with her daughters and put her arm around me. She told me simon was always in her home having a drink and if I wanted to, I could have a cup of tea and hear all about simon. The neighbour who said she was always in Simon’s home and was his friend asked me who I was and I told her I’m the mother of his children and asked who she was.

the neighbours left me alone then and hung out of their windows instead, which was horrific for me to see but the policeman said people do that emergency services arrive and if they kept their distance then they wouldn’t be moved on.

i had a few word with simon and said I had come for him and my daughter had a few minutes with him too.

the police did manage to contact Simon’s mum but she had been to the pub and it was quite late before they had been told about simon. His mum said she had seen simon the night before and he was really happy. He said he I was never going to see him again and his mum had said she was pleased with that. The psychologist in hospital explained that simon had been really happy because he had decided how he was going to die and was just waiting for the chance to come. You should always watch out for mood changes because they do seem odd but are all part of covering up being suicidal.

His step dad identified simon’s body and I let them arrange his cremation because it was important to his mum that she did it her way.

i spent nearly 2 weeks in the first hospital because none of my family would pick me up. My gp had written a note to the home treament team to try to get me sectioned, on the advice of the social worker but I agreed to have assessments so my family would not harm me.

Leigh Hospital was hard work because they colluded with my gp and social workers to keep me in hospital for as long as possible, to allow my sister more time to get my sons to scotland. I had put a block on my sons leaving england, so the social worker had to change her plan from fostering to special guardianship because my sister did not have enough money for the court case.

when I get with a room full of women I like to chat with them and find out what’s happening. There was a group of women all colouring in and offered me some of their pencils and a sheet of paper. I was a bit busy chatting, so I took the paper with me and coloured in when I was chatting to the others.

I noticed a woman stood by the door and asked her what she was doing. She said her husband had said he would drop her off at work but had dropped her off at leigh hospital because she was paranoid. I asked her if she had and assessments but she had not but had anti depressants to cheer her up. I said another woman had been dropped off by her husband because he said she was bi polar but she had not had assessments either, just happy pills. Another woman was laughing her head off all day and said she was menopausal and spent time in hospital when her husband was stressed. The other women were depressed and none if them had assessments but just seemed to be dropped off at their husbands’ convenience. I refused medication after that because I knew I wasn’t depressed as I had already been assessed fur 2 weeks and shoukd have been discharged by now.

i asked the woman what was wrong and she said her husband accused her of being paranoid because she asked him if he was having an affair and I said I’ll have a look at him when he visits. He couldn’t visit at night because he was looking after their daughters and I thought that was odd.

the next morning her husband was stood at the glass doors at 9 am with their 2 daughters and I asked her what was going on. She said her husband had come for her house keys and wanted to get in because he had to stay at his mum’s and needed to get their school uniforms. Well, I love giving advice on how to treat husbands, so I said I would get a nurse to speak to her husband and tell him to buy cheap uniforms from sainsbury’s and get their girls into school asap.

the nurse sent the husband away and I told the woman to ask one of the other patients to get a copy of her keys cut and give them to her husband so he had no excuse to spend time at his mum’s whilst she was in hospital. I told her that her husband should be made to cook and clean for their girls if he wanted her in hospital. That would soon bring him to senses and not give him a chance to leave their girls at his mums’s and have some freedom!

when he came back after school the keys were waiting for him and that annoyed him. That woman was back home within a few days and I said to her that she needed assessments and not her husband’s personal opinion on her mental health. He had no right to treat her that way and if she needed anymore advice on how to treat men, then ask me because I knew all about their mind games.

another woman was going home during the day to wash up. I told her to do shopping on her day release and let her husband wash his own pots. The break would do her good and she should see her time in hospital as respite, as I had heard about that in the other hospital.

another poor woman had got married when she was 18 to a 48 yr old and had ended up depressed. I didn’t have any visitors an when I saw her chatting to a man who looked in his 80s  I realised it was her husband. I asked who it was and hoped it was her grandad but she said it was her husband and I realised he had sucked all her love of life out of her. I told her that she would feel better when he died and she should start doing things she wanted to do because she was only 36 and he could live another 20 years.

Obviously my advice isn’t always the best but that’s how I felt these women were being treated and that was causing their depression.

i was discharged after a week and was found to be not suffering from any mental health issues and was given the details for wigan family welfare, to take advice from the counsellors and help me move in from simon’s suicide.

i wasn’t offered any counselling from them and found out that they worked to wigan council’s advantage for family court. I still have not been allowed any form of counselling and was falsely diagnosed with being paranoid schizophrenic after family court ended but without having any assessments and records to prove that illness.

i went to the CAB and they advised me to have PIP assessments because of not having records to prove assessments had been done after court ended.

my MH advocate had refused to support me at assessments after court ended and his boss had shredded those notes, so there is no proof what was said in assessments during court proceedings.

my MH advocate used his notes to say how my presentation was in other meetings he had supported me in and that is how I was falsely diagnosed after court ended.

i’ve been threatened that I will be sectioned if I tell anyone what happened to me after family court ended but I never gave up searching for the truth.

my new gp advised me to go to leigh hospital to live healthy sessions and I was asked if an occupational therapist can visit me at home, to help me get a shower fitted sooner because of my frozen shoulder.

within days psychiatrist and nurses were knocking at my door and threatening to section my for not taking medication for symptoms that I do not have. My MH advocate had said he could no longer support me as he had other clients and that funding had ended. The psychiatrist said that MH advocate had contacted leigh hospital because of his concerns over me but I knew that was a lie because I didn’t have a MH advocate after court ended.

the psychiatrist then said it was my gp but I knew that was a lie because I had a new gp and had not seen Dr kavanagh since he had written a note to home treatment team but wouldn’t let me see it in court.

i worked out it was Danielle from leigh hospital and started to request those notes too. I soon proved that I do not suffer from any mental health issues and was falsely diagnosed for wigan council’s advantage after family court ended.

i will blog as the investigations end and update you on my findings.

things like this should not happen after a suicide and it’s lucky that I’m so strong willed and have good mental health because most parents get lied about and do not know what to do.

oh I’ve got some stories about leigh schools! I can only talk of my experiences and only had a couple of years of St Joseph’s failing school before I started homeschooling in 2013, so can only say what happened to me but it’s common practise in these failing schools funded by wigan council.

i didn’t get a school place for my son in 2008 because he isn’t baptised and of no religion. It goes off criteria and my son was on no 9, of no religion, no siblings at school and a parent showing a interest in a religious school.

i’m Roman Catholic and have a 31 year old daughter, so thought you put your child’s name down at the local school and got accepted at one of them. I didn’t get my son baptised when he was born because my mum was dying of cancer and asked me to delay any celebrations until after her death because she was too ill to attend family gatherings.

i spoke to our priest and he said that was ok and would arrange it after he had done my mum’s funeral. The priest covered a few churches, so I recognised him from leigh too. I only found out about him letting his ex girlfriend die by suicide after I started home schooling but that would have been an interesting conversation!

i didn’t get offered a catholic school place because of our area being full of immigrents and them needing school places and in care children being top priority.

my son was accepted at culcheth school because there were spare places and all religions accepted. That wasn’t the best school because no one knew us and their children wouldn’t mix with my son because of us not being local! My partner helped on The PTA because I always helped out in my daughter’s schools to get to know the teachers and parents that way. I had just had a baby, so asked simon if he would help out and I could still support the school but not be on The PTA.

simon loved being busy on The PTA because not many men join and they are always needed. Unfortunately for me, the new head teacher took a shine to simon and I didn’t realise that her being menopausal would cause so many problems.

mrs smith, as I knew her then, had arrived from a failing school in lowton and had been driven out by some of the parents who had reported her and the head to ofsted because of her unprofessional attitude towards the vulnerable families at that school. She later brought those families to culcheth and I felt that school was not going the way I would have liked it to have and found out wigan council were putting children into religious schools in leigh, to give families a better chance of getting a school place and different religions entering the school. That later turned out to be a mistake but I could not let my son’s education fall behind because of a menopausal women, who was failing herself and the school.

somehow she is still at culcheth and I remembered how fond she was of simon and asked her advice after Simon’s suicide. I understand how upset she was because I was upset too but what she did was disgusting but she was in shock snd saw her chance to get back at me for laughing at her when she thought simon wanted to be with her.

simon was always popular and I never understood why women threw themselves at him. I still don’t know what it was.

simon was busy on The PTA and often Mrs smith would find an excuse to have us in meetings about our son and offer me advice on parenting skills. We were even offered parenting sessions but I didn’t need them because my daughter was a teacher but simon could have them with her! Simon was busy at work but Mrs smith was always looking for him. When is simon coming? What shift is he on? Where is he?! I got sick of Mrs smith and told her that simon had changed shifts and I wasn’t interested in any of her meetings. Mrs smith told me simon was often at her home, having PTA meetings until 10.30 at night and what did I think of that?

it’s such a shame that Mrs smith was in an unhappy marriage and menopausal but I didn’t understand her state of mind at the time. I told her firmly that simon was not interested in her and we lived separate lives, so if he wanted to go out with her, he would! That did not go down well and obviously Mrs smith was embarrassed and turned her attention to another dad. When simon was not chosen as a parent governor but was still expected to do everything for The PTA, I asked him to stop helping out because I had a local school place and was leaving that school.

i don’t know what Mrs smith said about me but my son was not made welcome at St Joseph’s but I stuggled on with that failing school as best I could. Simon was accepted on The PTA and all the teachers kept telling me how wonderful he was. One of the mentors at the school, Anne, had a child the same age as my daughter and wanted to bring back the old religious ways at school and I didn’t agree with her attitude. It was obviously to keep the school religious and old fashioned. My son is very clever and was being dragged down by St Joseph’s because of the teachers having babies and sharing responsibilities the best they could but it wasn’t working. My son was very good at maths and when the school changed the way they taught maths to guesstimating I said I was still going to teach rooney the old fashioned way because he was doing really well. Rooney finished his work first and was sat for most of the lessons entertaining himself, or quietly reading whilst the children caught up to him.

that was not for me. I had heard about home schooling and looked into it because I had always helped out at school and enjoyed learning in that way.

st Joseph’s refused my youngest son a school place and refused the priest to baptise my sons because Anne said it would give my sons an automatic right to go to St Mary’s and they wanted to keep it as Catholic as possible.

the school was glad to see the back of me when I said I was homeschooling on the advice on wigan council because my sons would be offered a local school place if both sons were homeschooled for a few months.

st Joseph’s destroyed my son’s school work because they had started to let children down and didn’t want the home school team to see how far behind they were. I loved homsechooling because of the freedom of learning what we wanted and doing coding, raspberry pie projects and working at our own pace on Khan academy.

my son, Rooney, is nearly 13 and is a year above at his school in scotland because they start school after their 5 th birthday but felt rooney was clever enough to go into the class that he would be in England. He loves school now and does computing and politics. He’s got that from his dad!

after simon took his own life, wigan council social workers went to culcheth and St Joseph’s school to get statements against me. Both schools said how wonderful simon was but gave me bad references for family court. Mrs smith even said she had thought of having me murdered and I had to explain how much she liked simon and had made a fool of herself thinking he liked her. The judge said both schools needed reporting to ofsted because of them saying I neglected my children but both schools did nothing about it and only gave negative statements about me after the death of a parent.

i did report the schools to ofsted, on the advice of the family judge but ofsted said it can’t do anything because it was only written for family court and in a social worker’s perspective but both schools can be investigated on how they report child neglect and asked why these concerns were not mentioned to the police and social services if they were true!

i’m relived my sons have a chance of a good education and a future in scotland because Nicola Sturgeon is interested in changing the care system for the interest of children.

maybe offering support to vulnerable families would be better than snatching children to use in failing adoption agencies in England.

Mental Health

i’m going to write about my mental health after my partner’s suicide because I didn’t get the support I should have had after leaving 2 mental health hospitals.

my sister demanded anti depressant tablets from my gp and asked him if she could use them on me as sleeping tablets. That was very disturbing for me because I wasn’t showing any reaction after Simon’s death and didn’t need medication. Obviously we were all in shock after a sudden suicide but the gp seemed to know too much about me and I had only seen him once in dec 2014 for a ESA renewal for my frozen shoulder. The gp was a locum but knew I was homeschooling and I thought it was because it was close to Christmas and my boys were not in school. It turned out that my sister had contacted my new gp after simon had told her he was suicidal and lied I was too depressed to homeschool my boys and suicidal.

the GP should have checked with me first but obviously social services had advised my sister on how to get me sectioned by alerting my gp to my issues.

evelyn used her mental health issues as mine and when simon died in jan, 2015 the GP was more than willing to give my sister medication for me.

now i was already a bit stressed because of being Peri menopausal and simon struggling with his personal problems and work shifts over Christmas, so when simon was talking about suicide I didn’t notice he was talking about his suicidal thoughts.

i’m going to say some odd things but within my family it is normal chat. In December 2014 I had seen a small person sat at the top of my stairs and every time I walked past he would look downstairs. I thought it was my nephew because my sister in law had lost a baby and he would be about 7 then. I told simon and warned him to becareful because someone was visiting us and I didn’t recognise him.

about the same time, I noticed a raven, or more like a crow, following our car and sitting in our tree. That worried me and I was telling simon about these odd things and told him it was a sign of a death, so watch out who the crow followed. It followerd me wherever I went and jumped out whenever I was in my daughter’s car. It even swooped over the car and followed us and the sat on the bonnet. My family were laughing and simon and said it was a suicide bird and wanted to die. I was telling simon that someone was going to die and 2015 was going to be a bad year but he never said anything. It turned out the small person on my landing was Simon’s grand dad and he was waiting for him.

We always sense when our mum visits us and she usually stays with my sister. My nan has stayed with me for 42 years and jumped inside my head after simon died. I felt my head open up and a bright light shine out, like a torch and saw my nan jump in my head. I saw a photo of me when I was in my 30s and felt just like I did then. I think that happens when I’m really distressed and it usually passes after a year of someone’s death but this time those feelings haven’t passed and I can hear dead people talking to me.

when I trace my family tree, sometimes i can feel the way a relative felt and I have to stop searching for them. I’m looking for my great grandma mary allred but can’t trace her back because of her changing her maiden name from Corless and not knowing her mum’s maiden name. That’s why i want to get everything perfect for when one of my grandchildren are searching what happened to great grandad cook and my sons disappearing from their home address. That is so frustrating, when a relative moves and becomes untraceable.

i don’t usually mix with a lot of people and especially not a room full of people that I don’t know because sometimes a dead relative will talk to me and it’s a bit weird.

I went to a lot of meetings after simon died and I was extremely distressed because of wigan council’s emotional abuse and lies and them not allowing me to see my grieving sons after losing their dad suddenly. I heard one of the social workers keep thinking the name goofy and realised it was her nickname and constantly on her mind. Someone else’s grandad came chatting to me and said he knew me from a previous life and sent me a photo of the person in the meeting as a young boy. That really upset me because I could see I knew this man and hadn’t seen him since he was little and I had died and left him. All those kind of things were going through my mind and I was struggling to take information in because I was still in shock.

i have always had warning dreams and read tarot cards for my daughter and her friends but I didn’t realise I was mind reading.

last week I was talking to a woman on social media and Rik mayall jumped into my head dressed as drop dead Fred and I asked the woman if she knew anyone named Fred. She said it was her invisable  friend but she hadn’t seen him for a while. Well, obviously not because he was invisible! He stayed with me for a few days but was knocking things over in my house, so I had to light a candle and say a few prayers to help him see the light.

i did that after simon died because I kept seeing him at home. He was wearing a black shroud and just hanging next to the bed. He was annoyed because of what had happened after his death and I had to help him to calm down. I went to see a woman that sold crystals and read minds and told her simon was stuck and asked her what I should do to help him. She said when people die suddenly they sometimes don’t know where they are and they need to see the candle light flicker, to help them see the light and help them pass over into the spirit world. It only took me about a week to help simon and I still feel him visiting me. I’m just wondering if these sensations will pass, or is it the stress of what had happened that has made my mind go into a different place?

everyday I have different feelings. I’m peri menopausal too, so that doesn’t help!

i didn’t want to have a suicide as part of my life and never thought it would happen to someone I loved.

if you know someone who has lost a loved one by suicide, you shouldn’t be too afraid to talk to us because we can still have everyday chats and don’t talk about suicide all the time. Little things trigger off the oddest of feelings and I have flashbacks to times when simon was with us but that’s ok for me because I lost my whole family the night simon died and try to do everyday things without getting too upset.

i have avoided doing everything we used to enjoy doing as a family because that part of my life was stolen from us after Simon’s death. The kids’ days out watching sam and mark at media City, or Blue Peter being filmed live and getting photos after the shows have all gone now. Watching pantomimes and live cbbc shows were all taken from us and I miss those kind of days out.

simon hated us watching Chris and pui and could not understand the excitement of being allocated tickets to see Mr bloom! Most mums understand how exciting that is! Living our dream of meeting our favourite kids’ tv presenters and taking our kids to meet them too! We watched The Chuckle Brothers from rooney being one and went to every show for 10 years. Barry and Paul always rememberd us because we took our photos to be signed every year.

the year before simon left us he was really happy and the family photo with the chuckles is one of my favourites. Barney from Blue Peter was my favourite and he knew me from Twitter and always said hello and gave the best hugs.

rooney and kilian had just started collecting blue peter badges and would like to collect them all but my sister won’t let them watch TV. i guess I’ll never get the chance to meet dick and Dom now! I hope my sister does start taking my boys to kids’ shows because they are great fun for everyone.

Simple things like that, that should not have been taken from us after a sudden suicide. Your life changes and I’ve no idea what I want to do now. I like baking but cooking for one isn’t fun. I always make too much but at least I can freeze it. I’ve knitted a massive patchwork blanket for my sons and they loved it. My sister doesn’t allow my boys to take their old belongings from home but rooney managed to get the blanket in the car!

i’ve always wanted to knit a patchwork blanket, so that’s something at least! I’m making another one in chunky wool and hopefully will get it to my boys for Christmas.

i used to love baking at Christmas but I decided not to bother celebrating on my own after my boys went to live in Scotland. It’s my birthday a few days before Christmas and all my family celebrate it but without me. A bit nasty but that’s family and at least my boys are celebrating my birthday!

new year doesn’t bother me either because it’s just another day. My mum used to say that your problems don’t stop when the new year starts, so there’s no point thinking things will be any different!

simon’s birthday was 21St jan. Rooney is 20th nov and I’m 20th dec, so we always had a good run up to Christmas, then bought what we wanted in the sales. Simon always sulked because his birthday was usually near black Monday and by the time he had got paid, the sales had ended! It certainly was black Monday in 2015!

i stil feel annoyed with simon for taking his own life because i think we could have helped him but  understand he thought he had lost everything and didn’t really want to be with us.

he would have rememberd one of my friends saying how pleased she was after her husband had died after he had left her. The man left home for another woman and his son was devastated. He was a teenager and very confused at his dad leaving home. Simon told rooney that he would understand one day when he found out about love and wanted to be with someone more than his family.

within 2 years that man was dead and his mum said he had died in an accident at home. I’ve heard that a few times over the years and realise that is how families keep a suicide quiet. My friend was pleased her ex husband had died and was telling everyone what she thought of him. His son didn’t care either and felt better dad was dead. It was very sad but that is how some people feel. Kids just get on with life and cope the best way they can. It doesn’t hit them until later in life and usually when they start their own family, losing a parent comes back to them.

rooney wants to go to uni in Scotland and I’ve told him to get on with his life and don’t think about what happened after dad died. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t come home until he’s older and he might want to show me his family one day. Life happens like that. He’s 13 soon and making important choices at school. I don’t want his education ruining because of wigan council’s lies because one day he will be strong enough to understand what happened after his dad died and hopefully get it sorted in his own way.

One day social workers will be held accountable for their actions and get what they deserve but until then, my young sons have a chance in life that wigan council’s schools were failing to offer. That’s good enough for now.



i’m going to write a blog on my life because of the way I was treated after a suicide in January 2015. I feel I have coped really well but am concerned about the way my mental health was lied about after my partner’s suicide and wonder how mental health teams treat vulnerable people who are suffering with their mental health, or going through a crisis.

i was shocked my partner, simon, had taken his own life but once I found out the police had raided his home in May 2014, I knew he would be dead. He would have panicked and would not have felt he could tell anyone that he had been in trouble with the police. His friend, Steve, knew about the police raid but didn’t tell us. Steve just dropped simon off at my home, with his campervan and walked away. I have no idea what those 2 had been up to in that campervan over the years but Steve is still trying to take it off my drive and say it is his. Very odd because I’ve got Simon’s paperwork and was with him when he bought it in 2011. We had planned to go to my daughter’s wedding in it in 2012 but simon left us and lived in the campervan instead!

i feel my mental health has been more affected since simon died, rather than because of his sudden suicide but because of the way I was emotionally abused by the council and made to have mental health assessments, rather than get support after a death. That’s how the council get away with abuse because they bully you when you are at your most vulnerable and in need of support. I’ve still not been allowed any form of counselling because my children were put into care by my daughter and I have no idea how she got permission to do that!

my sons are 8 and 12 now and enjoy their life in scotland. They are in Italy for the school holidays and enjoy short breaks away most weekends. Rooney is 13 in November and doesn’t like coming back to wigan because it reminds him of what happened after his dad died and he doesn’t want to see Steve and his old school friends. In Scotland my sons live a lovely lifestyle and no one knows about their dad’s suicide and people think my sister is their mum and don’t question them on their lives in England. Kilian, my 8 year old son, is just happy living his life and easy to please. He wants what rooney wants and loves being in Scotland and his new lifestyle up there.

i have to see my sons at a contact centre in wigan and my sons don’t enjoy being locked in a room with a supervisor typing away with her version of events. I read to my sons as they play on their laptop and phones. We all love catching up with each other and playing games left off from the last contact session. You wouldn’t believe 2 young children were not allowed to see their mum after their dad died suddenly but that is how wigan council wanted to treat us.

i have had loads of assessments but still do not suffer from any mental health issues. I’m 50 and was brought up by a woman in her 60s and was taught to get on with my life, whatever crisis turned up! I helped to bring up all the children in my family and did so from being a very young girl. My nan died before I was 9 and I had to help out with my own family because in those days you just got on with it.

i’m trying to rebuild my life from scratch at the moment and find out what I enjoy doing. I thought I would like certain things but I’m not too sure who I am, or even what I like doing! I can do what I like, whenever I like and that isn’t always fun! There’s no one to rebel against and no one to let down! There’s no one left now because my family don’t bother with me since Simon’s suicide. His family are raising money for the samaritons because simon rang them before he died and I would love to know what he discussed!

i like the football but don’t like crowds! I like going out but don’t like being out after dark, so don’t go out much. I don’t want to mix because I don’t want people to know what happened after simon died. The social workers told my sons their dad was a bad man and did bad things and that is why he died. The policeman told me that my sister had reported me missing because she did not agree with me homeschooling and rang social services at Christmas 2014. The police spoke to simon after seeing him at my home and I think simon must have panicked because of his home being raided the year before and the police wanting to know who some laptops belonged to. Simon wouldn’t be able to say how he knew these people and I think that is why Steve sent simon home with some options on what to do if the police called to his home. Simon wrote to Steve and asked him not to hurt me because he had done what he had asked. That saddens me because I believe I could have got the truth of out simon if I had have got to him in time.

i’m still hoping to get counsellimg one day for the emotional abuse by wigan council after a suicide but until they do it to someone else, nothing will happen. My records have been destroyed and I was told this would happen. Social services are all cloak and dagger, with smokescreen and mirrors for records! Hopefully the records will arrive from scotland and I can alter wigan’s version of events that way.

keep talking about mental health because one day we will be listened to and get the chance to move on with our lives. England mental health teams need a lot of training and the funding needs to go to the right places.

take care out there and stay strong!

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